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Trial By Lingerie

from Peculiarities by Vinny Peculiar

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about

[Wilkes, 2017] recorded in VP’s home studio, Worcester,

lyrics

Trial by Lingerie

She needed some new underwear
We went to the Trafford Centre
And after the cinema
Found ourselves in
Marks and Spencer
These will do the trick she said…nice

I say the thong seems to have given way to something altogether more rounded?
The Brazilian she said
That’s what the new shape is called

Oh …

I thought that was something to do with shaving I say, a little too smugly – no reaction

Some ten minutes later she’s paying at the counter at the front of the queue when she shouts across the shop floor
‘Can you just bring me another size 12 in the black?’
‘They’re on offer, thanks’…

At this point the women in the queue all turn around, they too are looking at me
I feel like I’m on trial, on trial by lingerie

I return to the briefs and bras section but in haste get all confused and start to panic, I can’t find them, I’m going round in circles, bras and knickers, briefs and stockings I am overwhelmed, overcome,

Oh dear…

We have a further verbal and this time she’s raised her voice, ‘I can see them from here’ she says until she finally with much huffing and gesture she leaves the queue, marches towards me and duly identifies the required knickers giving them a little wave in the air signaling success, result!

Out of the corner of my eye I can see other women in the queue smiling, nudge nudging, wink winking, and collectively groaning ‘men egh’…

I have behaved to type, and they know it, and I know it…

I apologize

Back at the till
The girl at the till is patient and polite
It’s easy to get confused she says a little too sweetly
It happens all the time

The store is closing
We say goodbye

Do you mind if I go to HMV I say?
Only if you promise to be quick is the reply…

credits

from Peculiarities, released September 17, 2020
VP all instruments & vocals

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Vinny Peculiar Worcester, UK

Vinny Peculiar variously described as – ‘An under sung national treasure’ [UNCUT Magazine]– a warm hearted Morrissey [Q Magazine] and ‘The missing link between Jarvis Cocker and poet Roger McGough and some of the wittiest lyrics this side of Wreckless Eric’ IRISH TIMES ... more

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