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1. |
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In 74 the schools at war on the 318 and the 144
T Rex at the old town hall
It’s a long way back but we’ve walked home before
Cricket Club discothèque and a gang of lads in fancy dress
Kicking off getting chased over the waste ground to the new estate
Life’s a gas no life’s a bitch
Tony Blackburn he’s in bits
Rocky Horror dressed like a witch
Cause I am the grove and you are the ditch
And there’s fighting in the colleges
And dancing at The Forest Inn
Strand Café at the top of the town
Gang of Kids in Dr Martens give you the run around
Feather cut at the barbers shop
A Les Paul copy and a smoker’s cough
Hop Wood ho down its The Jameson Raid
Dying of exposure discontented winter days
Roof top protest not a stitch
Jesus loves you now just play the hits
The show must go on without a hitch
Cause I am the grove and you are the ditch
I don’t want to be in your gang
No Puppy Love no Shang a Lang
Tarts n vicars fools romancing
And always way too many skinheads dancing
Guitar Hero gone to ground
The headlines run in the NME & Sounds
Once upon a time he was bound for glory
Now a tax exile and a closet Tory
Wacky Warehouse and you’re off your tits
Pills n thrills in starts and tits
They rot your teeth man give you a twitch
Cause I am the grove and you are the ditch
I am the grove and you are the ditch…
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2. |
Malvern Winter Gardener
03:30
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I’m the Malvern winter gardener
Sat out on a deck chair in the snow oh wo
A famous rock star in my time
All the ladies standing in line
Not that any one of you would know oh no
Not that anyone of you would know
Not that anyone
I’m a Malvern Winter Gardener
I played here a thousand years ago
You were always my best friend
Until the good times came to an end
The band split up there was nowhere left to go
Not that any one of you would know
Not that any one anyone
Cause nothing grows around here anymore
I’m just trying to keep the weeds at bay and the wolf from the door
I can see that very spot where the cover of Argus was shot
Ted Turner used to come by a lot
To see the Malvern winter gardener
Sweeping leaves and watching the flowers grow oh ho
Hiding in the potting shed
Listening to The Grateful Dead
I get a little off my head but I go with the flow
Not that any one of you would know
Not that any one
CauseI saw Man I saw Budgie Eddie and the Hotrods Ozzy, Sassafras, Wishbone Ash, be Bop Deluxe and The Clash were the last band in town
Before my world came tumbling down
The day she left me in this little old town
Where there’s not a lot going on today
So I take the afternoon off
Sit in our favourite café
We split up a way back when
I still think of her every now n then
Not that anyone of you would know oh no
Not that anyone of you would know
Not that anyone
I’m the Malvern Winter Gardener
I’m the Malvern winter gardener
Sat out on a deck chair in the snow oh wo
A famous rock star in my time
All the ladies standing in line
Not that any one of you would know oh no
Not that anyone of you would know
Not that anyone
I’m a Malvern Winter Gardener
I played here a thousand years ago
You were always my best friend
Until the good times came to an end
The band split up there was nowhere left to go
Not that any one of you would know
Not that any one anyone
Cause nothing grows around here anymore
I’m just trying to keep the weeds at bay and the wolf from the door
I can see that very spot where the cover of Argus was shot
Ted Turner used to come by a lot
To see the Malvern winter gardener
Sweeping leaves and watching the flowers grow oh ho
Hiding in the potting shed
Listening to The Grateful Dead
I get a little off my head but I go with the flow
Not that any one of you would know
Not that any one
CauseI saw Man I saw Budgie Eddie and the Hotrods Ozzy, Sassafras, Wishbone Ash, be Bop Deluxe and The Clash were the last band in town
Before my world came tumbling down
The day she left me in this little old town
Where there’s not a lot going on today
So I take the afternoon off
Sit in our favourite café
We split up a way back when
I still think of her every now n then
Not that anyone of you would know oh no
Not that anyone of you would know
Not that anyone
I’m the Malvern Winter Gardener
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3. |
Blackpole
04:30
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I got changed and stood out on the landing
Looking out across the fields of clay
Dressed up like one of Cromwell’s henchmen
It was August late bank holiday
I was living Crusoe’s dream in Blackpole
Studying the art of croft and law
My girl was watching old films on the TV
She loves Michael Caine and Roger Moore
And the hills were alive with posters
For a far right wing campaign
When I said good-bye to my girlfriend she said
I think it’s going to rain
She never took to battle re enacting
But she understood and she never did complain
There’s a weird high before you go to battle
And you’re always keen to get the detail right
There are prizes for the most authentic costumes
And a busty wench well its every mans delight
No soon as this battle it had started
When a crazy Cavalier hurtled past
And he stuck his sword beneath my breastplate
And I fell down into the mud bath
Amidst my band of brothers re creating battles past
Flags a scabbard pistols a blunderbuss a pike man and his staff
I just lay there in the grass death took me swiftly
I never felt a thing my heart stopped beating
And the battle it raged on but soon I was gone
Soon I was gone
There was nothing that could be done to save me
Now I float across the fields of Blackpole
Like every ghost who passed this way before
Frightening myself as much as anybody else
And meanwhile back in 1664
The spirit life it suits me down to the ground
My girl married the undertaker the man who hung around
And they’re living in the same old house in Blackpole
I heard they plan to settle down
But I’ll be keeping an eye on them yes I will
Once upon a time I was Pike Man
In the English Civil War
And you’d find me in the alehouse
Live music and pussy galore…
In Blackpole
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4. |
Golden City
02:51
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So how long do you plan to stay?
Are you coming back to me one day?
I know I’ve been a long time gone
But this is where I feel stronger
As the Golden City waits in vain
Like a tired raver on a late night train
Coming down again
I took the pills they didn’t work
I took some more and I felt worse
When it was time to say goodbye
I felt like I was going to die
But the Golden City welcomed me
Like a hippy girl in a French movie
Running wild and free
Golden City don’t let me down
Golden City I’ll need you around
Should I fall down again?
Well we almost made it through the night
And somehow made everything all right
We did everything that could have done
And still I ruined all the fun
And the Golden City knows it all
Checks the parachute and breaks the fall
Stands up proud and tall
Golden City shining for you
Golden City my love remains true
But this is what I have to do
Golden City
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5. |
Return of the Native
04:18
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Rick Mayall Bill the poacher
A trip to Dudley Zoo
Marlbrook Hotel Stone Manor
I’m with the chosen few
Timmy Tricker Jane the stripper
And Bobby Holliday
Joined the navy married a lady-boy
In Sanfrancisco Bay
Oh how we laughed and oh how we cried
I felt invincible stood by your side
Those were the days but now they’re all gone
Thought they’d go on and on and on and on
Father Chidley Bible Study
After Sunday school
Droitwich Lido The Château Impney
Ashtrays all super glued
Jim Reeves Doris Speed
Sandy Richardson
Pete’s Café and The Cravats
Don’t say you’ve never heard of them?
Oh how we laughed and oh how we cried
And we were bound together arms open wide
Those were the days but now they’re all gone
Thought they’d go on and on and on and on and on
Shoulder of Mutton Johnson Records
And signing on the dole
Harry Peters Panel Beaters and
Andy Taylor on the Coal
Robin the postman Frank the Milkman
He’s got a reel to reel Gordon the hippy he’s kind of trippy but he’s not the real deal….no way
Oh how we laughed oh how we cried
And how we sang along the day the music died
Those were the days but now they’re all gone
Thought they’d go on and on and on and on
Ernie the butcher Bernie the booker
They call him Mr Village Hall
Georgie Porgy is the life n soul of the orgy
Makes everybody feel small
Blue the budgie Cornish Pastie at the local abattoir
All night horror at The Fleapit dressed up like Dracula
John Birch Guitars amidst the stars
The super loud the super yob
If Pete the chippy smokes that woodbine then he blows the whole place up
He blows the whole place up
Oh how we laughed and oh how we cried
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6. |
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I loved a girl from Bromsgrove Town
Still think about her now
And all the time that’s past between us
The lives we’ve had and how
I never really told her then
That she truly was the one
And no soon as I’d realised
Off to college she was gone
Well I stayed with her at weekends
And we fooled around all night
But something deep inside me told me
Things were not quite right
So I turned up to surprise her
But the first thing that I saw
Was her holding hands and kissing
With the girl next door
She was kissing the girl next door
Well I never said much about it
I tried hard to pretend
And we started going out yeah
Just the three of us
She had no idea I knew then
But I confronted her
And she confessed
She found a different path
And she kind of sorry but
There was no going back
So now I’m stood outside the house
She lived in years ago
I’m just about to knock on the door
But I think I’d better go
Cause thirty years or more have past
That much I know is true
And if I ever met her again I wouldn’t know quite what to do
I wouldn’t have a clue
Not a clue
Perhaps I’m better off in the dark
Perhaps I’ll just take a walk in the park
We used to do that
I don’t want to rush anything
Not me
Cause I loved a girl from Bromsgrove Town
Still think about her now
And all the time that’s passed between us
The lives we’ve had and how
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7. |
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The Singing School Teacher that shaped my history
Taught us English for a year his name was Clifford T
And on the last day of term he walked to school with me
The both of us just couldn’t wait to leave and be free
If you don’t like poetry you can take yourself away
Do a little private study in the Lemon Tree cafe
Stay only if you want to read the sonnets and the prose
And begin to appreciate the significance of the rose as a romantic metaphor…
John Dunn, Wordsworth and the Bard were soon ignored
We just listened to stories of Bronco and Dandelion Records
We didn’t do a lot of poetry
He set the homework but homework was the enemy
Homework was the enemy… and the NME
When he appeared on TOTPs it was like all our dreams had come true
Glued to the TV with our parents too who
Collected cuttings from the Bromsgrove Messenger
About the Singing Schoolteacher the way that parents do
The Singing School Teachers career stalled
It’s a fickle business come the rise and fall
I followed him from a distance footnotes in NME
Another MOR singer now a Punk Rock casualty
Then I moved up north and it all just drifted away from me
My mother called and asked me did I know? I said no?
She’d heard a tribute on the Terry Wogan show
Clifford Ward passed away well I thought you’d like to know
Well he was someone I really wish I’d got to know
After school but I never did he was an inspiration when I was a kid
And he still is…
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8. |
Detroitwich
04:13
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Marshall Mathers on the wrong plane
He doesn't know yet they all look the same
On the concourse after the landing on
To the shuttle where a train is leaving
For the former home of a young Rick Male
Easy mistake chasing your tail
Puts in a call to his managers office
But the phone is dead and the entourage are muppets
Hops on a train a real bone shaker
In a black and gold hoodie with the melody maker
Back in print for the sake of the song
He’s on his own now the entourage gone
Security man nowhere to be seen
Is every celebrity’s bad dream
An angry commuter catches his eye
Mouths across the carriage man you’re gonna die
In Detroitwich
Dretroitwich
On the Lickey incline due south
Through the grove and into the deepest dark heart of rural Worcestershire…
Jumps off train on to the embankment
Chased by a gang from the anti establishment
One of them shouts leave or remain?
They hand cuff him and take him away
In a Robin Reliant three wheeler classic
To a cold store facility its brassic…
No, this isn’t a video shoot
There are the plans and we’re gonna execute in
Detroitwich
They put a sack over his head
It’s like the night of the living dead
They look like extras in the Wicker Man
Steel a blowtorch from a caravan
Just then a man with a trebly hat and Good Samaritan hair
Offers to do the decent thing and finish him off right there
For the millionaire rapper who sampled Chas n Dave
This aint no party this aint no rave
It’s Detroitwich
Eminem is feeling the heat
They light the bonfire under his feet
He starts rapping the Lord’s Prayer
Local girls throw their underwear
Just when he thinks his time has come
P Diddy shows up shows up in car with a gun
Says OK motherfucker’s you’ve had your fun
Then he grabs Eminem and then they are gone…
To a Pub called the Swan on the A38
It’s where everyone goes when they need to escape…
Detroitwich
Eminem & P Diddy arrive at the Swan just after closing time, and Diddy hands over the gun, to Dave the landlord
who supplies them with airline tickets business class, and replacement phones in exchange for their watches and their rings…
The beleaguered Rappers, alone in the rural wilderness freely give up their possessions in exchange for away out…
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9. |
On Rainbow Hill
03:02
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From an attic room on Rainbow Hill
Got the sun beating down on the window sill
It’s just a short walk into town
If you ever fancy a wonder around
And yes I’ve been writing songs once again
And no I’m not seeing anyone we’re just friends
And no I hardly ever go out
And yes I still struggle with doubt
A silent drive on a motorway
I talk to myself but there’s nothing to say
I miss you still though you never could see
That you were the only one for me
And yes I have your picture on the wall and you’re beautiful
Although I still think about me and you
It could never be
It will never be the same
I walk by the river I talk to the fishes
Make any number of indecent wishes
But none of them will ever come true
Because I finished with me when I finished with you too
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10. |
David Swan Riverman
06:17
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David Swan river man its Sunday morning 8am
Leaves the house and he rides his bike
To Smiths the bakers on The Tything
Where he breaks the bread into the sack
And freewheels to the waters edge
Where he feeds the swans and the ducks
Sweeps the hedgerows tidies up
Should a bird stray onto the towpath?
David Swan picks it up and he puts it back
We have to keep a close eye on them he says with a knowing laugh
David Swan river man removes the lead shot and
The twisted fishing line
Fromm a cygnet’s wing what a poor little thing
But she’s going to be all right
As the children watch and the fathers explain
And the mothers say be careful please be careful
Cause Swans are wild strong and true
Look how beautiful they are please d o
Should a bird stray onto the towpath?
David Swan picks it up and he puts it back
You have to keep your wits about you
And mind your back you got to mind your back
David Swan river man
River man….
Put your waders on David Swan
You’re the river man
River man..
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11. |
Game Over
03:36
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I’m the broken man
I broke up with you
Took everything we had
Broke it clean in two
Then I moved away
Now I live on my own
I miss you every day
But I need to be alone
It’s hard to find the words
And just between us two
I don’t know for sure
What’s made up and what is true
It’s only make believe
Forever in this world
But last night I had a dream
That you were still my girl
It tears us apart
Like Ian Curtis said
You have to suffer for your art
Then it all goes to your head
It takes you by surprise
You never see it coming
There are tears in your eyes
They’re all for nothing
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Vinny Peculiar Worcester, UK
Vinny Peculiar variously described as – ‘An under sung national treasure’ [UNCUT Magazine]– a warm hearted Morrissey [Q Magazine] and ‘The missing link between Jarvis Cocker and poet Roger McGough and some of the wittiest lyrics this side of Wreckless Eric’ IRISH TIMES ... more
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