Peculiarities

by Vinny Peculiar

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1.
Man about the house She needs a man about the house Someone who can do a proper job A sensitive yet sensible example Not a helpless good for nothing slob What good’s a man about the house When all he does is get under your feet Go to the football and to the pub You can pick one up like that on any street A broken dream machine That’s way beyond repair No good to anyone Oh how she must despair She needs a man about the house Someone who won’t get under her skin Tells herself she’s the only one Stupid enough to live with him The only person he loves is himself He never does a blessed thing Locks himself away inside his room Create some idea…berate some idea One night with Pamela Sigourney or Jennifer A Harley Davidson Trip across America To get things done around her you might as well do them yourself In the time that it takes him to think You could have painted the fence Wallpapered the living room You could have fixed that kitchen sink A broken dream machine That’s way beyond repair No good to anyone Oh how she must despair One night with Pamela Sigourney or Jennifer A Harley Davidson Trip across America….
2.
Yes I do appreciate the calls Yes I do appreciate the cards Yes I do appreciate the thoughts Yes I do appreciate the laughs I am grateful for my job Grateful for the sympathy I am grateful for the understanding Grateful for the empathy Get well soon Get well soon Get well soon Get well soon I believe the doctor knows best So I put my life in his hands I need to get myself some rest I will adhere to my care plans Get well soon Get well soon Get well soon Get well soon There’s a voice I can only hear at night Tells me everything will be OK But I don’t believe a word I just want that voice to go away When I get out of here I’ll be looking in on you And you’ll be acting kind of weird Like you haven’t got a clue Get well soon
3.
Oh Jesus when will it all end Say you cant keep up the pace Got your trousers half way down Rotten egg upon your face Another friend of a friend Says he saw you falling down And the fence can never mend The key cannot be found Saw them running still you kept it hid Like beating time on your coffin lid Guilt tripper As we go breaking cupids law All conviction sadly lacking He pins you to the floor This time he's attacking If you close not to think About his age old game Then your secrets will all stink And your waiting be in vain If you catch me running don't you get me wrong I was so diffident until you came along Guilt tripper
4.
Imagine 03:01
Imagine writing a song called Imagine Imagine doing anything like that Sitting at the piano in a white suit A Japanese girlfriend and siamese cat They say it came together in the twinkling of an eye The momentum of the melody was enough to make them cry For the people all those people in the name of love and peace Politicians world leaders scumbags and cheats Imagine writing a song called Imagine Try and imagine doing something like that In a darkened room on an eight track machine On a country estate like the on ewe've all soon In the film of the song the book of the dream with that really weird kid in the kitchen scene Is there anyone out there who doesn't know the words I there anyone still listening to them after all these years Cause if any son was ever gonna change the world it was this one Imagine writing a song just like Imagine Thats the most stupid idea I've ever heard I'm not fighting some war where everybody dies Or cheating on a girl telling superficial lies I'm just trying to get me head around the greatest protest song ever written Imagine writing a song called Imagine I imagine doing something like that...
5.
Jump the brook Ruth it isn't very deep I built a damn but it isn't very deep Break a leg kid its not alright Cause you're going home in an ambulance tonight Jump the brook Ruth do as I say I sent a trap for you I'm going to make you pay So we talked some more and she eventually agreed She took a few steps back and she gathered up speed but she couldn't see the trip wire hidden in the trees Next minute she lets out a scream She's lying head first down in the stream Theres blood in the water people gather round Theres a siren going off in the distance Jump the brook Ruth Jump the brook Ruth I'm stood there at the waters edge transfixed by fear I hear the sounds of people as they whisper in my ear What an evil little boy... Were gonna tel your parent were gonna tell the school And it'll be curtains for you Later that night I was relieved to hear Ruth had nothing but a few scratches to her ear She was back at school the very next day But she didn't call at my house she kept we ll And we haven't spoken to this day Jump the brook Ruth show me that you acre Jump the brook Ruth if you dare Jump the brook Ruth play the game I really like you in a way that I cant explain Jump the brook Ruth...
6.
They said I was no more Said I’d been and gone My time was all over All over and done My star had faded out Out of time and out of space But I returned To restart the race Swore it was the end of the world But I came back Back as a girl Sugar and spice and all things nice My hands were tiny You said they were good for porn…not that I ever did any My heart was big My soul reborn I tasted of pear drops and strawberry lip-gloss My shoes were stacked up high I couldn’t read maps But I would try I’d try…oh how I’d try Swore it was the end of the world But I came back Back as a girl Sugar and spice and all things nice I could be devious I could be serious I could be cruel and I could be Oh so mischevious Thought it was the end of the world Then I came back as a girl I had waited all my life To be somebody’s lover To be somebody’s wife I know it sounds a little absurd But I came back as a girl Sugar and spice and all things nice Back in extra time Back in the firing line Back on the town with Terry and Dave On to the pub and on to the rave Dancing my life away Was I straight or was I gay? I grew my hair and my nails Got a dolphin tattoo Kinky sex under the stars In my best knickers and bras I shopped until I dropped So easily I cried At Sleepless in Seattle and the one about the virgin bride… No one believed me When I said The real me is dead They thought I’d lost My head They thought it was the end of the world And then I came back as a girl I came back as a girl…
7.
Mr Low 03:06
Can I get my ball back Mr Low I lost it in your garden many years ago Been hanging on to stuff that others have let go So can I get my ball back? Do I want to get my teeth into this life? Do I want the job, the mortgage and the wife? You used to tell me everything would be alright So can I get my ball back…Mr Low? The house is on fire and the children have gone Back to the place they are from As bury my head in a time capsule with a prize day poem from junior school Can I get my ball back Mr Low? It’s bright and cheap it’s all I’ve got to show Sorry for the trouble the lengths you had to go But can I get my ball back? There’s no time like the past to reinvent the wheel To change the way you are distort the way you feel I’ve done it or so long now I’ve no idea what’s real So can I get my ball back? Mr Low…The Davenports man brings beer to your home Rolfs on TV with a stylophone… And your Dad’s having a moan So can I get my ball back??
8.
If the timing is wrong and music is crass And the melody sucks I'll be taken to task For trying to write in tablets of stone With broken scissors and an old megaphone If the dreams that you have all fade and die And the sadness returns when there is no reply If the song in your head can never be heard Then all I can do is give you my word All I wanted to say from the bottom of heart Sounds like an obvious line for the part But I want you to know I'm here for you Whatever comes around that much I know is true When it all fades away into second hand art I will take to the stage and die on my arse But I want you to know this song is for you And its dying from trying to reach you All I have to say as we come to an end My love remains strong on that you can depend I just want you to know I'm here for you Like Elvis Costello my aim is true So here I go again sharing my fears A cabaret singer nobody hears In the lap of the gods on a wing and a prayer Still missing you dearly and lost in despair Still missing you dearly and lost in despair
9.
Please let me in let me into the club I'm a famous face not the one you're thinking of Years ago I looked a bit like him I was younger then handsome and slim Now I'm waiting at the nightclub door Flashing this ID from 1984 When I played guitar and I played the fool Travelled the world I broke every rule I'm sorry sir I've never heard of you So take your place at the back of the queue I'm sorry sir its just the house rules The policy of the establishment can appear a little cruel Did I tell you I was on Top of the Pops I met Ruby Flipper and Sam Fox I've got my very own radio show I'm exactly the kind of person you ought to know I've slept with three thousand women in my life I have a wonderfully understanding wife She's at at home with the kids doing the chores She loves every single one of my come back records I'm sorry sir I've never heard of you So take your place at the back of the queue I'm sorry sir its just the house rules The policy of the establishment can appear a little cruel Ok I can see we're not getting anywhere here I want to speak to the manager I want to make myself clear This kind of thing never happens to me You'll regret it just wait and see I'm sorry sir I hear what you say But its more than my job is worth so please just go away I'm sorry sir heres the back of the line You had your fifteen minutes now its someone else time....
10.
Into the display arena steps a vacuum cleaner Encased in glass and so dust free Like it was never designed to be here in this living space objects are out of place Out of time and then Shazam The magic and the sure I am She's all round the corners and waiting in the wings Another name to play the game now what is it she brings She's all around the houses with some future generation Its such a change from yesterday but it only seems like yesterday Want a blast want a hit Want a different kind of fit Want the first in the queue You want the shock of the new She so well hidden now but it won't take long When she shows these moments will be dated Its history well more or less Its a picture but its such a mess And she knows the game is over And she knows she doesn't care It takes much more than facts and fate To driver her to despair Want a bet want a heart Want a world thats worlds apart Want that face with a view This is shock of the new Into the display arena steps a vacuum cleaner Encased in glass and so dust free Like it was never designed to be here in this living space objects are out of place Out of time and then Shazam The magic and the sure I am
11.
Its a set to and I'll get you and I'll rub your face in the mud Wash out your mouth with the soap of my love The Christmas crackers are exploding in your face But you were never here and I was never there in the first place War all the time As Penny drops her big idea it crashes like a test plane We clear the room and put in a chest drain Nobody goes in nobody comes out Theres a familiar knock on the door If the best mans speech don't you make you cry Then the bridesmaids with give you want for War all the time
12.
The two fat lovers are smoking in silence They stand apart they gaze into the distance They could be young but most probably older They could be looking over your shoulder They work together here in this building And they’re not going anywhere And if they’re happy they don’t ever show it No gym club membership no weight watchers and no keep fit For the two fat lovers… He reads a magazine and she reads the echo They look not unlike a biblical tableau Will they get married and live close by? Will they have babies grow old and die? They work together here in this building And they have nothing to declare And if they’re happy they don’t ever show it No gym club membership no weight watchers and no keep fit Not the two fat lovers Always seen together Everyday lasts forever Through all incumbent weather And they look into each others eyes but not very deeply They’re going home to bacon and eggs They can’t buy their clothes off the pegs And as the years pass them by they’ll get a nasty friction burn to the thigh The two fat lovers…
13.
Canvass remaining blank thoughts cloud and moments null The gardener is a waiter Some distant drummers beat way down a one way street Leave everything until later We photograph the trash this car was made to crash Ten seconds after midnight The signing of a cross a look of total loss No matters of fact or insight I am an unhappy painter and I cant draw to save my life The images are growing fainter And the reasons all but disappeared from sight all but disappeared from sight The tender mercy squad they want you for their god a soul remains on trial For books you never read things you never said some day they'll be a trial Seeds of bureaucracy shape the hypocrisy and turn brave heads to stone The rancid government sets crime and punishment What good is one man alone I am an unhappy painter and I cant draw to save my life The images are growing fainter And the reasons all but disappeared from sight all but disappeared from sight If all the world were paper And all the sea were ink And all the trees were bread and cheese What would we have to drink? So much for golden rules for playing kings and fools No points are given away He moves from liquor stores and onto distant shores In search of where to pray The queen of hearts she fled the four and she got wed She never made a fuss But its no wonder that the proletariat get so delirious I am an unhappy painter and I cant draw to save my life The images are growing fainter And the reasons all but disappeared from sight all but disappeared from sight There they go now...
14.
Action statement impact displacement Buzz word fuzz word when talking seems so absurd Concrete n complex and working with the concept Speak up you act tough we're here and now but for the big muff You gotta switch on n latch you hung around until your star shown ne Do-wop you shop for every click now you cant stop cause its a One two three four five right before my very eyes Six seven eight nine ten I just let it go again Direction protection and looking at your own reflection Team a and team b and following a team c See saw and little bo a nursery rhyme to end the show Fiction dereliction we draw upon a contradiction Heaven sent and you invent the explanation tell me what it meant Shore lines and side lines the lazy mars and shooting star signs Forever ever for never never for feeling dumb and acting clever its a One two three four five right before my very eyes Six seven eight nine ten I just let it go again With a virtue to see me through as waiters wait always too late Nice time to feel fine new gods on offer make you feel devine Great reward for pen and sword a baby book she wrote with Betty Ford A single line and never mine but back in my head a nursery rhyme Days long mays song is drifting out to where it feels strong Its all here so don't fear I'm giving you the all clear and its a One two theres four five right before my very eyes Six seven eight nine ten I just let it go again And its a one two three four five right before my very eyes Six seven eight nine ten then I just let it go again I just let it go ....again Right before my very eyes...
15.
Now you are gone I try on your waistcoat Too big Feels strange And I wear the hat The hat that you wore [when you were] On stage Watch the DVD Again, watch the DVD again And I say thank you thank you I will always treasure them as I Try and embrace Dr deaths absurdism We used to go To the match On Boxing Day You told the time Without a watch you’d say It’s exactly 12 minutes to two And you were always right and You built us a kite and an igloo We kids thought the world of you And the humanist preacher Spoke of a thinker and a teacher At the funeral I wept self piteously And I thought to myself This is how it will be for me A group of old musicians In a cemetery Telling stories distorted by memory Adding bits on for the sake of a story The one about the child He never did see The one about the lover He never managed to please The one about the career that never took off The loves that he fought he won and he lost Oh Life goes out like a light Too soon the darkness comes Too soon the darkness comes To soon too soon
16.
Uniform 02:32
You wear me out I’ll wear you in Don’t get too fat don’t get too thin You fit so well I won’t take you off Now I am found no longer lost My point of view was never clear My new beginning starts right here I swear I was a living ghost Until you gave me what I needed most My Uniform My Uniform My brand new uniform I stood for nothing until you spoke About belonging to the club [I used to think you were a joke…] I do exactly what I’m told I have a function I have a role I know my fate I know my foes I know pleasure of putting creases in my clothes The outside world don’t stand a chance You call the tune and I will dance My Uniform My Uniform My brand new uniform Maintain a distance I play it cool Feels like going back to school I have a new identity Thank you for coming to rescue me To be the best dismiss the rest With flying colours on every test To keep the peace maintain the norm I will comply I will conform My Uniform My Uniform My brand new uniform
17.
Trial by Lingerie She needed some new underwear We went to the Trafford Centre And after the cinema Found ourselves in Marks and Spencer These will do the trick she said…nice I say the thong seems to have given way to something altogether more rounded? The Brazilian she said That’s what the new shape is called Oh … I thought that was something to do with shaving I say, a little too smugly – no reaction Some ten minutes later she’s paying at the counter at the front of the queue when she shouts across the shop floor ‘Can you just bring me another size 12 in the black?’ ‘They’re on offer, thanks’… At this point the women in the queue all turn around, they too are looking at me I feel like I’m on trial, on trial by lingerie I return to the briefs and bras section but in haste get all confused and start to panic, I can’t find them, I’m going round in circles, bras and knickers, briefs and stockings I am overwhelmed, overcome, Oh dear… We have a further verbal and this time she’s raised her voice, ‘I can see them from here’ she says until she finally with much huffing and gesture she leaves the queue, marches towards me and duly identifies the required knickers giving them a little wave in the air signaling success, result! Out of the corner of my eye I can see other women in the queue smiling, nudge nudging, wink winking, and collectively groaning ‘men egh’… I have behaved to type, and they know it, and I know it… I apologize Back at the till The girl at the till is patient and polite It’s easy to get confused she says a little too sweetly It happens all the time The store is closing We say goodbye Do you mind if I go to HMV I say? Only if you promise to be quick is the reply…
18.
Antony Gormley’s statues impose Seen on the beach in silent repose Look out to sea and not far from me in Crosby Antony Gormley’s men look a treat Swinging their dicks right down to their feet Scaring the children and intriguing the lonely the dog walkers They go Ooh wee that’s the most incredible penis we ever did see Ooh wee that’s a fine old sausage but its not very sexy Antony Gormley just can’t resist Wrapping himself up in plaster of Paris His helpers say it’s just another day at the office Antony Gormley is molding the cast Takes off his clothes off and he sits in the bath The lazy the assistants know just how to wrap him up oh yes they do They go Ooh wee that’s the most existential penis we ever did see Ooh wee that’s a fine old sausage but its not very sexy Antony Gormley’s cock on display Some of us wish he’d just put it away But he says no I’ve got something to say to the people People like you and people like me People that like to walk by the sea People in love and people who work in the city They all sing Ooh wee that’s the most amazing existential penis I ever did see Ooh wee that’s a fine old sausage but its not very sexy Not very sexy Not very sexy Not very sexy Not at all
19.
No Reply 02:10 video
There comes a time of no reply There comes a time to say goodbye And now the time is here Goodbye my love my dear goodbye Never mind the hurt and the cruel regret Nor the bitter tears the tears we shed Put the photographs away For another rainy day to come in April It doesn't matter how far I move away part of me with be with you forever I know it sounds absurd but I wish that I could stay In your loving arms forever But I don't want to be your new best friend So I can never see your again Theres nothing more to add I'm just so very sad today Just so very say today.

about

PECULIARITIES - A collection of unreleased tracks, alternative versions and home demos from the Vinny Peculiar archives, includes songs recorded under the names GGG, First Real Targets, Vinny Peculiar and Parlour Flames. Songs were mastered by David Marsden and the cover image is by long term VP collaborator Paul Cliff.

credits

released September 17, 2020

1 Man About The House [Wilkes] [Alternative Unreleased Version] recorded at Analogue Catalogue Sale, Manchester 2005 by Rob Ferrier with Mike Joyce [Drums] & Andy Rourke [Bass Guitar] VP [Main Vocal, Guitars]
2 Get Well Soon [Wilkes] – Recorded at by Spooner at Spooners Place, Rochdale, Lancs 2006 with Marcus Williams [Bass Guitar], Mike Joyce [Drums], Craig Gannon [Guitars] VP [Main Vocal, Guitars]
3 Guilt Tripper [Wilkes] – Recorded at Pearl Studios, London Road, Liverpool UK 1992 with Paul Thirlwall [Guitars, b/vs] Paul Masterson [drums], Nick Robinson [bass, b/vs] VP [Main Vocal, Electric & Acoustic Guitars]
4 Imagine – [Wilkes] Recorded at Analogue Cat, Mossley, Gtr Manchester 2009 by Rob Ferrier with Neil Carter [drums, b/vs] John Thirlwall [bass] Tim Browne [b/vs]
5 Jump The Brook Ruth [Wilkes, Arthurs] Recorded by Parlour Flames [Alan Wilkes & Paul Arthurs] at Bones Place, Hale, Manchester, 2012 Engineered by Dave Fyfe with Che Beresford [Drums], Bonehead [Bass Guitars, Electric & Acoustic Guitars Keys] VP [Vocal, Electric Guitars, Keys]
6 I Came Back As A Girl [Wilkes] Recorded at Whitby Studios, Ellesmere Port 2015 by Ian Lewis with Paul Tsanos [drums] Bobby Kewley [bass] Rob Steadman [piano] Maaike Ghijsels [b/vs] VP [guitars, vocals]
7 Mr Low [Wilkes] Recorded at Pearl Studios, Stanley Street Liverpool 1991 by Rob Ferrier Neil Carter [drums, b/vs] Nick Robinson [bass, b/vs] John Aggrey [guitars] VP [vocal, guitars, synths]
8 Broken Scissors [Wilkes] home demo, 2005 BOSS BR8 VP [wonky pianos, keys, guitars, vocal]
9 Never Heard of You [Wilkes, Arthurs] 2012 recorded by Parlour Flames [Alan Wilkes & Paul Arthurs] engineered by Dave Fyfe, at Bones Place, Hale, Manchester Semay Woo [cellos] VP [vocal, pianos]
10 Shock of the New [Wilkes] recorded at Pearl Studios, London Road, Liverpool 1990 by Steve Cowell with Tim Browne [guitars] Andy Redhead [drums] John Thirlwall [bass] VP [acoustic guitar, vocal]
11 War All The Time [Wilkes] home demo, 2001 mastered at the Great Northern Studios, Pall Mall, Liverpool by Rob Ferrier with Neil Carter [drum pads], VP [vocal, keys, guitar]
12 Two Fat Lovers [Wilkes] Recorded by Kalle Gustafferson at SOOL Studios, Gothenburg, Sweden 2005 with Andy Rourke [bass, kazoo] Mike Joyce [drums] Ben Knott [keys] VP [guitars, vocal]
13 Unhappy Painter [Wilkes] Recorded by Dave Marsden at Pearl Studios, London Road, Liverpool 1991 with Colin Beckett [drums], Pete Doyle [bass] John Aggrey [guitars] VP [vocal, guitars]
14 Before My Very Eyes[Wilkes] by Keith Leary at Pearl Studios, London Road, Liverpool 1990 with Tim Browne [guitars] John Thirlwall [bass] VP [acoustic guitar, vocal, glockenspiel]
15 Too Soon The Darkness [Wilkes] recorded by Parlour Flames [Alan Wilkes & Paul Arthurs] at Bones Place, Hale, Manchester, 2012 engineered by Dave Fyfe.Bonehead [bass guitar, guitars, keys] VP [vocals, guitars, keys] Che Beresford [drums]
16 UNIFORM [Wilkes] Recorded at Analogue Cat, Mossley 2009 by Rob Ferrier with Neil Carter [drums, b/vs] John Thirlwall [bass] VP [vocals, guitars,] Tim Browne [guitars]
17 Trial by Lingerie [Wilkes] recorded in the home studio, Worcester, 2017 VP all instruments & vocals.
18 Antony Gormley [Wilkes] Recorded at by Ian Lewis at Whitby Studios, Ellesmere Port, Merseyside 2014 with Rob Steadman [piano, kazoo, b/vs] Paul Tsanos [drums] Bobby Kewley [bass ,b/vs]] VP [guitars, vocals]
19 No Reply [Wilkes] Alt version, recorded at Whitby Studios, Ellesmere Port 2015 by Ian Lewis with Rob Steadman [keys] VP [vocal]

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Vinny Peculiar Worcester, UK

Vinny Peculiar variously described as – ‘An under sung national treasure’ [UNCUT Magazine 2014] – a warm hearted Morrissey [Q Magazine 2014] and the missing link between Jarvis Cocker and Roger McGough [Irish Times 2014]. THE ROOT MULL AFFECT is a compilation -
‘The missing link between Jarvis Cocker and poet Roger McGough and some of the wittiest lyrics this side of Wreckless Eric’ IRISH TIMES
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